She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
