You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
