I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
