i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
vagina is talking i cant
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
