How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
