When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
