the day after is always just damage control
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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