I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
