DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
