i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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