just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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