Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
