he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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