I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
