The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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