My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just found a bag of teeth...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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