I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
