i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
