I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
