Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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