you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
