how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I had to cum in my sink.
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