I didn't shave. On purpose
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
