Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this just has baby written all over it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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