I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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