you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
