I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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