This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
