you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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