didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
