I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
