I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
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you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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