playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
