spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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