nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
