Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
