why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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