So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
