I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
