I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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