I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
