i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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