Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize