One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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