I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
