You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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