You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We smell like vodka and hangover
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