NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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