i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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