can u get pink eye on your cock?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
