So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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