remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
