Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
