shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Redeem this text for a blowjob
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Green mimosas i think yes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
