Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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