My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
