so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
