I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize