I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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