there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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