So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
