he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
