You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
