Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
