hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
