that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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