I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you made out with another girl for some wings
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
