I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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