when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
where are my eyebrows?
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