took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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