Rock
Scissors
Fuck
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
