I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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