What a fucking waste of an outfit
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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